Counselling – What is It & What Can It Do For You?

Counselling is a “talking therapy”. It can help you get issues into perspective and see things from another point of view, outside the actual pain and difficulty you are experiencing.

It is generally accepted that ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ and this, in many respects, is true. None of us can carry it all. We can’t ignore what we feel, what we need and want; we have to believe in ourselves and be able to fulfil our potential – it’s a normal human drive.

Many people hold on to their feelings and anxieties to spare close ones like family and friends any further stress or upset when something happens in our lives. This can be especially true of bereavement and loss, where often others close to us are also affected. What about you in all of this?

Individuals don’t share their real feelings and fears, thoughts and ideas which might upset other people around us. The problem is that when we don’t share these feelings, the effects are still upsetting because you can’t help but react to what you think and feel, one way or another. And over time, suppressed feelings will negatively affect our lives somehow or other.

Sharing a problem or anxiety can be by talking or writing it down – in a journal, or a letter or even onto personal websites like blogs. Talking with a counsellor, who is undertakes training for a minimum of three years through three levels of skills, can help immensely. The counsellor will focus on you – your feelings, your values and beliefs, and will help you to realise who you are and, eventually, you can find out where you want to be and even how you might get there. The counsellor â??facilitatesâ?? your process â?? listening, reflecting back to you what they hear and see, so you can check it out and make sure it’s the right message you are giving and receiving. It’s a relief to have someone “hear” you properly, without taking on their own agenda and perspective which we sometimes feel we can’t ‘challenge’ in order to get the real message across to them. It can be frustrating and upsetting when you feel misunderstood.

We all have something to offer – we are unique, no two individuals are completely alike – we have different backgrounds, cultures and experiences, which all create who we are and the reasons why we think, feel and behave the way we do.

We develop our own view of the world, and our own world (even siblings and twins can have a different experience of a similar or same event) depending on previous experiences we have learned from or expectations we have taken on board.

We have to accept who we are before we can move on when changes occur in our lives Counselling can help you to see what influences there have been and why, how you can make changes if you want to. For example, loss of employment or liberty, like going to prison, can change everything for us: financially, personally, image and self-esteem, and the views of those around us. We will often make assumptions about what others think of us now things are changed, whether we are family or friends or the person it happened to.

We all need help and support at sometime and it can help to have someone who isn’t on any ‘side’ but is the mirror for what you are showing to the world and what you are experiencing for yourself. Once you have noticed something you cannot un-notice it, and with counselling no matter how much or how little you learn from it, it will always be there and can be built on.

A counsellor, by ‘exploring your world’ with you, looking at yourself from your own point of view, reflects back what they believe you are saying and feeling. In this way, the client can see what they really think ‘through another’s eyes’ (which is how we develop our self-image, through others) but this time we see how we perceive ourselves. This can be very powerful. Once we see ourselves from this new viewpoint, we cannot help but know it. Then we can make informed decisions about what is possible to be who and where we want to be, through understanding our needs, choices and actions. It’s a relief to know ourselves and learn to accept and like who we are; an opportunity to use our ‘personal power’ to make changes if we choose. Carl Rogers’ person-centred theory, which is the basis of my own counselling therapy means going at the clients pace, in their chosen direction, always seeing their world and being in their shoes, supporting them to move on.

In person-centred counselling there is no guidance or advice offered, because then you would be hearing someone else’s idea of what you need to do or to be. This is all about you, and what you see, feel, hear and need. The counsellor is there for you.

“I am OK as I am, always” – a quote from the BACP (British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy) website; once we accept who we are now, we can move on; until then, we might keep fighting to hold the picture of who we want to be and can’t move on to it before we find our ‘starting point’ . It’s the first step to self-awareness and acceptance, and only then can you move on to personal development.

Once you have experienced something, you cannot lose it and can only build on new information you will have, and it does have long term effects, therefore.

It may not always ‘resolve everything’ immediately, but it is a step in the right direction. Counselling can give you tools to help yourself, belief in yourself and more understanding so that you can be yourself. We can all sometimes lose our self-reliance and self-trust. Counselling helps us find it again, or for the first time.

Are you worth the effort?

written by Julie Crowley

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